


My (not so) youthful ninja

by Moon3645



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26377603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moon3645/pseuds/Moon3645
Summary: Lee, our youthful ninja, has fallen into a self-deprecation pit of anxiety and depression.He doesn't eat well, sleep well or yell youthfully anymore, and Hyūga Neji sees past his fake smiles and small lies.(This story is set during Naruto's trip with Jiraiya)Also published on wattpad.
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji/Rock Lee
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

Team Gai was training extra hard today. Why? No one knew, except Konoha's self-proclaimed Green Beast, Maito Gai, and, try as much as they want, he wasn't going to tell his youthful students, which, as you might guess, were nothing more than annoyed at this secrecy.  
Well, almost all of them.

Rock Lee, the known to be an exciting little copy of Gai, wasn't annoyed, or sad, or excited, or happy. He felt numb. He felt like laying down and doing nothing else besides curling upon himself and staring into oblivion.  
He couldn't feel anything except exhaustion creeping onto his muscles. He couldn't form a smile or move a finger.  
Rock Lee was supposed to be training, sparring with Neji, yet he was sitting on the floor trying to push the thoughts of self-deprecation and loathing out of his head while trying to gather up the courage to get up.

To anyone else, such as Neji, he looked like he was slacking off like a rebel child pretending no one was there by staring into nothingness.

The hyūga huffed from where he stood, walking over to him and sitting in front of him, looking into his eyes, even though the gesture wasn't returned.  
What Neji saw in them was disturbing at the least.  
Lee's eyes lacked the excitement, joy and the bright aura that used to be held in them. Lee's eyes locked dead, and Neji didn't like it.

He needed to get everyone's attention without revealing he was concerned, so he chose the stupidest of his options: insulting Lee, like the dumbass he is.  
(really, Neji?)

"Lee, you untalented bastard, would you get up and start fighting already!?" He yelled.  
Upon noticing the dark-haired ninja's gaze on him he stilled. 'Well, that worked both ways' he thought.

This "declaration of love" to Lee drew Tenten's and their sensei's attention, who ran up to them worriedly.  
Tenten had never heard|seen of Lee not wanting to train and Gai wanted to scold Neji for calling his teammate names and scold Lee for slacking off, but he didn't have the chance to, because what he saw broke his heart into pieces.

Lee's bottom lip quivered four or five times before his eyes filled with tears and, for a moment, they all thought they wouldn't fall, but they did accompanied with an ugly sob.

Gai rushed hurriedly to his side and wrapped him into a warm hug, something Lee hadn't received in a long time, while glaring deathly at Neji, who felt even more guilty for yelling at him and not listening to his caring instincts.  
Neji wanted nothing more than holding the boy in his arms and tell him everything would be alright and maybe take him home so they could cuddle on his bed, but his ego was bigger than his caring side and forced him to shut up.

Tenten, who stood at his right, was trying to understand what had happened earlier that made Lee so sensitive because Neji's insults never made more than a dent in him on a normal day.  
She wasn't stupid. Tenten knew that Neji wasn't completely straight, because when they were dating he always got hit on by guys and he always blushed. No. There was no way he was totally straight. Bi? Maybe.

When she saw that he wasn't going to try and apologise, she turned to him.

"Neji, you really should- hey!" He turned his back on her.

'Urgh. Same old Neji.' She thought angrily.

She tried walking up to Lee, but Neji pushed her back by her shoulder with brute strength, making her fall down.

"Lee, what's the matter?" Asked Gai worriedly. He might treat all of his students as if they are family, but he treated Lee differently. He treated him as if he were his son.

Lee's hand found their way into his joining jacket and tightened it as a whimper left him. "Sorry" he answered lowly.

"Sorry? Lee, my youthful little sweet child, you don't need to say sorry. You didn't do anything wrong." Gai informed him kindly. He put his hands on the boy's cheeks and gently lifted his head to look into his eyes. While he cleaned his tears away with his sleeve, he asked. "How about you ride those feelings out for a little bit until you calm down and then we all go over to my house for some dinner and talk? What do you think, Lee?"

"A-alright," Lee answered feeling a little better.

"Now, " he looked at the pale-eyed boy, " is there anything you'd like to say, Neji?" He inquired.

The hyūga turned around and helped Tenten stand up. Then, he turned around with his head down and murmured a quick apology.

"Neji," Gai said sternly." Come here, look Lee in the eyes and apologise. Loudly."

"Yes sensei" he answered ashamedly, walking over to the green-clad ninja. "Lee, I'm -urgh- I'm sorry for calling you those things."

'Well, that must have hurt his ego a lot.' Thought Tenten.

From where he stood smiling, Maito Gai saw Neji take Lee's hands in his absentmindedly and Lee turning bright red, but still visibly sad.  
He turned to look at his kunoichi, finding a matching smile in her face.  
'Ah! The youthful sight of recognizement'

The green beast walked over to the boys and started playing with their hair, making Lee smile a bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Gai talks over dinner.  
> Neji and Lee are so sweet!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Sorry for the delay. This chapter has been almost published four times, but I either want to make it better or my tablet turns off and loses everything, or my computer stops working, or I don't have time to because of school. Ya know, it's complicated.  
> Anyway, here's the chapter, cuties.

At their sensei's house, the mood was light and everyone was talking and helping with the cooking, and, for the first time in 5 months, Lee allowed himself to be happy and he finally felt like he belonged into a family for the first time in a long time.  
And it felt amazing!

Lee was helping out Neji, who was cutting vegetables to put in the cooking pot. Both of them couldn't keep their eyes off each other, so Gai had to stop them from accidentally cutting themselves on a knife or burning their hands on the stove, reminding them to keep their attention.  
That, however, kept happening and every time they looked at each other their eyes met. Lee blushed and looked back at what he was doing, while Neji kept looking at him and inched closer every single time that happened, to the point where he could easily sneak an arm around him, but he didn't. Both of them never left the goofy smiles get out of their faces.  
Gai was watching them from where he stood over next to the stove, thanking his ancestors for Lee's sudden change of humour, but also cursing them for the talk they needed to have after dinner and that would certainly bring his mood down yet again. He sighed. Gosh, how he wished he had invited Kurenai over, 'cuz he sure wasn't good at these situations.  
He kept watching them.

Tenten was the only one who didn't know what was happening with her teammates, as she was setting the table on the living room. She did, however, ask something they all wanted to know since the beginning of their genin training.

"Sensei, are you gay?" She asked unashamedly, receiving surprised looks from the doorway due to her audacity. "It's just that we never saw you with a woman romantically and- you see, we see you around Kakashi-sensei all the time and... Sorry. I shouldn't have asked." She said, lowering her head and turning back to what she was doing.

Konoha's green beast took a while to understand what he was being asked by one of his youthful students, before sighing and turning off the stove, picking up the food and taking it to the table. He sat down and the others followed, scared by the silence in the room.

"My youthful students!" he began, "I hope you don't change your view of me by what I am going to say! No, my youthful Kunoichi, I'm not gay. I'm pansexual. And aromantic." He said cautiously.  
Even though homophobia wasn't common in the shinobi world, Gai was always cautious when it came to his sexuality and preferences.

Now, various things went through his student's heads in the two long minutes that passed.

Let's start with Tenten.

She wasn't surprised. Not at all. She was used to the weird and unusual going around her team, but those words were the most normal thing to come out of his mouth, by far.

Lee's mind went blank for a minute, before realising that maybe he could benefit from his sensei's experience to figure out his feelings for Neji better.

Neji's mind was occupied by doubts. He didn't know how to feel. On one side, he felt relieved he wasn't the only one with a different sexuality in there, but on the other side he felt like a part of him was gone. He didn't know if it was his arrogance, but suddenly Gai seemed like the bravest man alive.

With a chorused 'No!' they answered him. Maybe it was a lie for some, but they didn't want a crying Gai making a mess, plus they were working towards being more tolerant.

After that, they all went back to dinner, mentally preparing for what was going to happen next.  
Tenten was preparing for their sensei's proclamations of love and youth towards them while Neji was preparing mentally for the heartbreaking scene that was about to play out and Lee was forming lies in his head in antecedency because he didn't want to bother anyone, to be a burden, to be told fake promises and pitied. No, he didn't want that. Gai's mind was blank. He cared deeply for Lee, as he did for all his students, but he'd be damned if he said he knew how to aboard this situation.  
And then came the dreaded moment.

Neji, Lee and Tenten walked into the other side of the living room, while Gai washed the plates, and sat down on the couch, side by side, Tenten on the left, Lee in the middle and Neji on the right, sharing only the awkward silence setting rapidly in the atmosphere.   
They looked everywhere they could, except each other, faking interest in the architectural ceiling, floor and walls in that beautiful house they had visited countless times before. Absentmindedly, Neji slid his hand over to Lee's as if said boys hands were a magnet pulling him over, and just as fast as it landed, his hand flew away and a murmured sorry was shared between two flushed boys. And Tenten just stared, thirdwheeling on her corner, wondering if this was how Sasuke had felt when Ino and Sakura fought for him. 'Maybe'  
To her salvation, Gai came into the room, looking at them confusingly, thinking they might have seen a rat or a spider on his walls and ceiling, looking around to check.  
When he found none he strode over to the armchair across from the couch and sat down, glaring jokingly at his flushed male students, wrigling his eyebrows pervertedly.  
They both blushed even more and sank down further on the couch.

Neji, whose interest had wandered over to a green rose on the wide, sunlit window sill, decided to bravely sling an arm around Lee's shoulder and bring him close. Lee looked up at him and brown eyes found white ones in a daydream worthy of the romance novel (porn) Icha Icha, being woken up only by Tenten grumbling about thirdwheeling and stuff. After that they looked away even more flushed if posible, but didn't separate.

"Alright! Let's start this conversation! We are here to talk about something that has been happening a lot lately according to your teammates, Lee, and that we got to experience first row today. Lee, what has been going on, bud?" He asked. Loudly, might I had, having to be remembered by Tenten to use his inside voice, while staring at a still red faced Lee go significantly pale at his words.

Lee, unlike what many might think, wasn't stupid. He knew the consequences to what he might say. If he told them what had been going on in his mind, Lee would be forced to step down from the shinobi life for a few months or as long as his recovery took, and he didn't like the sound of that. Not one bit. Stopping meant letting go of training and that meant a significant descend in his way to becoming Jounin like his sensei.   
So, instead, he settled for lying.

"Nothing is wrong, Gai sensei. Everything is as fine as it can be" An arm tightened around him, the left cushion of the sofa shifted and a sigh was heard. He shrunk into the warmth and hid his face.

"Oh, really? Is that why you burst out in tears in the middle of training at the slightest provocation made by me?" Asked Neji, unimpressed by Lee's lies. It hurt him, it really did, seeing him like this made his chest tighten, but it was necessary. Lee needed to know they were there for him.  
Meanwhile, amidst this whole talk, Lee saw Tenten leave out of the corner of his eye. She got up the stairs leading to the upper bathrooms and bedrooms and started preparing a scented bath to cheer Lee up after this whole situation, 'cuz she knew he'd need one. The boy was as sensitive as an eight year old, even if he was 15.

Still in the living room, Gai sat down where Tenten previously was and shooed Neji away and out of the sofa so he could swing his arm around Lee's neck and bring him into his chest, like Neji had. But Lee missed Neji's natural scent and warmth. Neji smelled like scrolls and dust, a dirty yet sweet combination. He was warm as a cat. Gai smelled like sweat and wood, and he was significantly less warmer than the white eyed boy. Lee whined at the loss, but Neji climbed up the stairs, going to help Tenten finish the bath, even if he didn't want to leave him alone. Lee whined yet again and Gai brushed a caring hand through his hair.

"Lee, my youthful student! You, of all people should have known that lying does not take place in my team. You should also know that we care for you deeply, some more than others. Come on, kid, tell me what's wrong. Please?" Konoha's Green beast pleaded caringly and worriedly.

Lee couldn't lie to him. He just knew that, from the moment he did, he would be greated with disappointed eyes and a shameful walk. This was his sensei, the man who trusted in him from the very beggining and treated him like a son. He had to come clean, if not for his sake, then for his.   
So, for the first time in years Lee told someone what he had been feeling all along.  
He told Gai about the sadness that stirred inside his heart everyday, that it made it acke, that it made him curl up to a pillow and wish someone, anyone, was there to hold him, to tell him everything was going to be alright, and that sometimes it made him wish he were dead.  
He told about the numbness that settled after, how it was sweet and sour at the same time, that once it settled in it was both a relief and a worry. Sweet and sour. Freedom and jail.  
Told him about the aching in his muscles, aching that didn't come from the intense training he was submited to, the aching that also extended to his troath and head for different reasons, from crying too much and screaming into a pillow extensively almost everyday, from trying to get up or just do something other than laying down and remember all his problems but not making it 'cuz his head says yes, but his body says no, and from tring to shut up his intrusive thoughts.  
Told him about the frustration he felt when he did any of those things, or rather didn't, when all he could do was sigh loudly, look ahead and fake half of his daily happiness.  
How anxious he had been feeling lately, compared to when he was a child.  
Of course, when I say he spoke about all those things, I mean he took his time and spoke slowly and uncomfortably about them. I mean, those things aren't easy to talk about. None of them. Especially when you're telling them to someone you know for a long time and are scared of their reaction, which is almost always to anyone.  
But Lee knew he needed to come clean and he also knew his sensei would never discriminate him. (Lucky)  
What he didn't know was that his friends were listening from the top of the stairs, holding their tears in and wanting to run and hug him. To them, Lee was this happy kid who never showed displeasure or insecurities. Oh, how ingenuous they had been! Now they felt shame for not noticing earlier. 

And Gai was just devastated.  
He never would have guessed his student felt like this, especially Lee. Ever so sweet and happy Lee. He cursed himself inwardly for not noticing earlier, not seeing the changes and signs. He also felt betrayed in a way, because Lee thought he couldn't trust in him, but he had to be honest that his metods were a little out of the ordinary.~  
But, above all else, he felt scared. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to comfort a child and he didn't know how to gain one's trust, and he suddenly realised what he'd ignored since the beggining. They were teaching kids how to kill and fight so early in life. Most of them never had a childhood and died early. Most of them suffered from the same problem or worse ones as Lee. Now, he wanted to help. And he vowed to talk to the hokage about this. He really did.  
Troughout the conversation, Lee's bright eyes progressively lost their shine and got filled with tears. Gai counted the seconds to their downfall.  
Five. Five seconds and Lee's hands tightened in his jumpsuit. Four. Four seconds and Lee's head buried itself into Gai's chest. Three. Three seconds and light sobs could be heard coming from the Green clad boy. Two. Two seconds and he was shaking. One. One second and the tears gave way to a waterfall.   
Four minutes later, Lee felt exhausted from crying and numb enough to let go. His face showed no emotion and his eyes were void. Gai shuddered. He carried him upstairs into the bathroom with the bath prepared, passing Neji and Tenten on the way and looking at them as if to say 'Wait here' and placed him on the floor, letting him undress and slip into the water, letting his body get soaked into the warm wather. Gai stood guard at the slightly open door, back to it, making sure his kid didn't fall down or worse. He sighed. This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Kisses :*  
> \- Connor


End file.
